The 50(ish) Greatest Albums of All Time…
Lemonade & Pina Coladas
Album #4 : Beyoncé — Lemonade
About 18 months ago, whilst on a ‘health kick’ with my fiancée, I was sent to the shop. I walked there, purchased a pork pie and, in the three minutes it took to walk home, stuffed the gluttonous mixture of pastry and meat into my greedy little face.
As I arrived at the entrance to my building covered in crumbs, out of breath and full of shame. I caught my reflection in the door and thought:
“You are a disgrace. How could you? She trusted you.”
Why am I mentioning this now? I could have gotten away with it, after all. I mention it because this week’s album is Lemonade by Beyoncé. Lemonade is a ground-breaking tour de force that not only replicates the success of Queen B’s eponymous first ‘visual album’ Beyoncé, but surpasses it both musically and thematically. But it is also an album about cheating (and that reminded me of the secret pie guilt… what different lives Beyoncé and I lead).
Disproportionate Pie-Guilt is just one of a myriad of reasons why I could never have an affair but, to be absolutely clear, the main reason is I love my fiancée very, very much. That is partly because of her forgiving nature (she was pretty nonplussed when I told her about the secret pie).
Beyoncé, by contrast, was absolutely fuming and wrote a whole album about Jay Z cheating on her. Looks like he now has 100 problems. I mean… mate. What were you thinking? You are married to Beyoncé. Frankly, you deserve whatever comes your way — it is just fortunate for us that it wasn’t a large rock, but was Lemonade, which is a fantastic record.
The range of emotions Beyoncé goes through on Lemonade — shock, pain, rage, self-reproach and eventually forgiveness, is staggering. What is more staggering is pretty much every song could be a hit single (and three of them were). Lemonade is a rare thing — a concept album full of hits.
I do wonder what kind of affair Jay Z (King of The Idiots) had. Was it a one-off, stupid mistake? Or was it an organised cinq á sept? There could easily be a lot of admin in an affair — you have to sync at least three people’s movements. I’m honestly amazed anyone even bothers. Surely the frisson might fade if you need to sync google calendars?
Mr Zed’s affair isn’t the first to be dragged into the public eye through the medium of song. There is also, of course, the guy in Escape (The Piña Colada Song).
Everyone knows that he likes drinking Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain, and he is looking for a girl who likes the same things. Fair enough. What most people don’t realise is that the guy is an absolute scumbag.
The story of the Piña Colada song is this: the well-loved chorus is a newspaper ad the guy reads whilst his girlfriend is asleep next to him (even Jay Z didn’t stoop that low), Piña Colada Guy responds to the ad, goes to the bar and realises the girl he’s been corresponding with all this time is his current girlfriend. I know. (Seriously, go and listen to the whole song if you don’t believe me).
You’d think at that point the two would have a pretty frank discussion about their relationship. But what happens instead is he’s all like “oh I never knew you liked Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain!” Why not? Why didn’t you know those things? They are very specific things mate.
That said, the girl doesn’t seem that bothered either, they just laugh it off and order more coconut cocktails. Honestly, some people deserve each other.
The three examples here have one thing in common: men doing stupid stuff of varying degrees of idiocy, and women rising above it. I guess whether it is pies, Piña Coladas or high profile celebrity affairs — the point is we move forward. Beyoncé seems to agree— by the end of Lemonade, all seems to be forgiven, if not forgotten. (In fact, definitely not forgotten. Forever enshrined in one of the best pop/R&B albums ever).
And speaking of moving forward — it was the US Inauguration this week. What a beautiful moment it was to see Kamala Harris inaugurated as the first African-American, first Indian-American and first female Vice President of the United States of America. That is real history, and real progress, being made. That is truly moving forward.
Thanks for reading — over the course of 2021, I’ll be reviewing 50(ish) of the greatest albums ever recorded. You can see the list here.
