THE 50(ISH) GREATEST ALBUMS OF ALL TIME
Keeping Cool on The Velvet Underground
Album #28 : The Velvet Underground & Nico — The Velvet Underground & Nico
Are The Velvet Underground any good? Or are they just cool? In a way, they represent everything this project is about — at parties years ago, I would nod knowingly:
“Oh yeah, obviously The Velvet Underground & Nico, yeah, they changed rock and roll!”
“Hm? What’s that? What’s my favourite song? Oh, I like them all man. They’re all great.”
The truth, in case you can’t tell, is that until this week I probably couldn’t have named a single song. But I could have told you that the album cover was a banana, because I’ve seen it on a hundred t-shirts and tote bags. A bit like The Ramones, The Velvet Underground are somehow more successfully aesthetically than musically — maybe having Andy Wharhol design your album covers helps with that.
I am by no means the barometer of what counts as cool (for a start, I just used the word barometer) but I have met plenty of people who think themselves cool. This album reminds me of all of them.
It starts off chilled out and intriguing; who’s this guy wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket inside? (In my head all cool people wear leather jackets and sunglasses — am I basing all cool people of The Fonz? Maybe I am). I dunno who he is but he’s singing about Sunday Morning and it’s a nice chilled out sexy vibe.
But then, as the party (or album, I’m getting my metaphors confused now) progresses you are thinking “this guy goes on a bit, doesn’t he? Likes the sound of his own voice a bit too much.” That’s when you find out he’s been doing drugs in the toilets, and singing about Heroin. Let me tell you one thing I know for certain about being cool: nobody is as cool as they think they are when doing drugs. You’ve spent most of the night smelling a toilet — get over yourself.
By the end, this record is literally just noise. If Please Don’t Go (from Stevie Wonder’s Fullfilingness’ First Finale) is top of the table for album closers so far, European Son is relegation fodder — absolutely rooted to the bottom, without a chance of survival. It is at this point that our Cool Guy just needs to shut up and go home, he’s become quite annoying.
Maybe I am getting older and less taken in by what is ‘cool’ but at times these songs sound like first drafts that nobody has ever bothered to finish. The whole thing smacks of a bunch of cool kids who everyone was too scared to challenge.
I dunno, maybe I just don’t get it, man. I am not a cool person, and I never will be, so maybe this isn’t for me. But there’s something there, if only these young whipper-snappers would get their heads down and put the work in! Honestly, they don’t know they’re born.
Thanks for reading — over the course of 2021, I’ll be reviewing 50(ish) of the greatest albums ever recorded. You can see the list here:
There is also a playlist featuring the best song from each album here.
